Astonishment and Thanks

First of all —

Um. Hi there.

I was planning on putting up my post-hospital blog this week but it felt weird posting again without acknowledging how utterly dumbstruck and appreciative of the response to my previous post I am.

Before last week my most popular post had received around a hundred views. Sitting on Windows more than tripled that number and a week later, I’m getting new views every day.

My main response to this has been ???????????????????????????

I have received dozens of comments, likes, and messages on Facebook supporting me and a little more surprisingly, supporting How to Cry in Public.

I started this blog primarily to try and organize my brain and calm my emotions down enough to make them a little more understandable. Then it became a way to force myself not only to address what was going on in my head, but to make it accessible to my friends and family.

Since last week I’ve received messages from close friends, people I’ve never met, people I haven’t talked to in years with support for me, thanks for writing the post, and appreciation of how I talk about mental health.

Apparently, my thoughts on myself, anxiety, depression, and suicidality are more accessible than I ever thought possible.

With last week’s response, my feelings on this blog have changed a bit.

I’m not going to change how I write or what I write about: this is still primarily a place for me to document, heal, and share myself. But I want to do more.

And so, I am going to make a valiant attempt to post once a week!

I figure I’ll stick with Wednesdays in honor of this being the first time I’ve posted two consecutive weeks in a row.

Additionally…I want to start taking questions, if there are any questions to be had. I don’t claim to be any kind of expert on mental health. I just know my own story. But with that said, I’ve been getting so many comments and questions this past week that I feel like there might be more things that people are wondering about that I could possibly answer.

Maybe there’s something I’ve mentioned that you would like explained more thoroughly. Maybe there’s something I haven’t touched on at all that you would like me to. Maybe you just want to share a little bit of your own story. Whichever way, I want to hear.

So! If you feel so moved, contact me in any way you feel comfortable! If we don’t know one another in real life, feel free to comment! I have to approve all comments before they’re posted, so if it’s something you don’t want made public, just say so and I will be the only one who sees it.

And with that, I will see y’all next week!

Picky eating

Picky eating may not seem like it has anything at all to do with mental health.

Hear me out.

I have always been a huge pain about eating. It’s gotten to the point where nearly everyone I know, friends, family, coworkers, strangers at restaurants , have made fun of me for my eating habits.

For one thing I hate trying new foods. I’ve actually been places where I’m so against the food on the menu that I have lied about not being hungry and simply gone without anything. I tend to stick to the same exact foods. You would think that the constant routine of cheesegrainsfruits would run a little thin after a while. But you would be wrong.

However, while I have no qualms about loving the foods that I love, I’m trying to change my life, and that includes expanding the foods that I’m comfortable with eating.

I am a control freak. I plan. I love lists, and routine, and yes, eating the same exact thing every day of my life.

But recently I have been trying to eat more of what is offered to me, and figuring out new things that I actually enjoy! It may seem kinda lame and a little childish, but trying new foods is an enormous step out of my comfort zone and a move toward being a bit less uptight.

I’ve discovered so many new things in the past few months that I adore eating! I actually found myself craving a strawberry salad with balsamic vinegar last week.

Like.

Who even am I?

It may not be impressive to anyone other than my mother and I, but finding out that I actually want to eat things like salad, hummus, sauce, spinach dip, and spicy chicken is a huge deal.

I’ve been known as a pain in the ass picky eater for so long that it’s become something I take pride in. Except that I recently realized that keeping myself from thoroughly enjoyable experiences just because they make me a little uncomfortable is hardly something to be proud of.

Trying to change myself and the way that I think and experience the world is a daunting endeavor. Changing the way that I think about food and eating is a continuing struggle, but every new thing that I try is a win. Even if I end up hating it, I can say that I experienced something that I had avoided or rejected until now.

Letting go of the death grip I’ve had on my eating habits until now is difficult, but damn, it is more rewarding and fun than I ever could have imagined.

 

 

An Introduction

Hey friends.

While I assume only a few of my friends will ever read this, I hope they won’t mind my giving an introduction on the off chance that a stranger wanders in.

I’m Cameron.

Here are some facts about me.

I lived in the same town in Connecticut from birth to 18, when I moved to Boston for college. I would like to say I never looked back, but looking back is what I do best. I’m currently 21 years old and for the second time in my life, am making changes to help myself live.

I thrive off of relationships, connection, and people in general. I don’t do too well on my own.
I love to talk. And even more than that I love to write. Writing helps me bring order to my thoughts and feelings and fears, and helps me see the patterns in what I believe.

So.

This is going to be my place to do that.

Hopefully I’ll be able to make some sense out of my brainspace, explain my opinions and feelings about mental health and anxiety, and of course, share my boundless wisdom about the thing I know best: crying in public.